The following Battle Report was filed by Brian Flemming, the director of The God Who Wasn’t There. Be sure to read to the end for the big payoff:

Ah, Palm Sunday.

What is an atheist to do on this special day?

Oh, I know–get dressed up and go to church!

I printed up some flyers and grabbed some DVDs in white CD sleeves, which makes them better for slipping into hymnals and the like.

I put the DVDs in my right inside jacket pocket and the flyers folded into quarters in the left. There is heavy security at Our Lady of the Angels cathedral, and I didn’t want to look conspicuous.

It was a gorgeous Palm Sunday. The kind of day that makes you want to ride on a donkey and get hit with palm fronds. Or dress up like a gangster like this guy and go to church with Mom.

Man, the things people will wear to church these days. T-shirts and jeans were not an uncommon sight. Heathens, I tell you.

Cardinal Roger Mahony — pedophile-enabler and oft-mentioned possible future Pope — presided over the Palm Sunday Mass.

Naturally, he’s pretty good at it.

Except for one thing today. In the middle of the Nicene Creed, Cardinal Mahony actually forgot the words.

I’m not kidding. Ask anyone else who was there. Hundreds of congregants are reciting the Creed out loud with Mahony, and right around “And his kingdom will have no end,” Mahony blanks. Or “goes up,” as we say in the theater. The Cardinal’s amplified voice, previously guiding the reading, just drops out. Everyone else awkwardly keeps reading, and Mahony turns and looks around his throne for his folder. He finds it, fumbles with it for awhile, and then picks up with the Creed again a few words before “Amen.”

This is God’s infallible messenger?

Oh, I forgot. He’s not Pope yet. But I’m rooting for him. [Stephen Colbert finger-point] Root for the home team! [/Stephen Colbert finger-point]

As soon as the mass was over, I got to work hiding DVDs and flyers in hymnals and the like.

I won’t offer too many details, so that the items will more likely reach their intended recipients.

Cardinal Mahony was kind enough to pose for a picture with me in the courtyard as I was leaving. This was snapped right after I had hidden all of my little “Easter eggs”:

The Cardinal has a very firm handshake. I will pray for him to get a firmer grasp on reality.